Well, my parents are old. This news unsettles me. A few days ago, I had a long conversation with Mother about the LL Bean catalogue. She very kindly wants to buy me many nice things from their store. We spent an hour or so perusing the catalogue, which we’d both received by mail; and she wrote down page numbers and items and colors, sizes, etc.
She called me back yesterday because she couldn’t make sense of what she wrote. So we went through the catalogue again from start to finish… at a snail’s pace. “There is no page three,” she argued.
“It’s right inside the cover,” I explained. “It’s not marked as page three, but it’s page three.”
“Why are these green pants called ‘loden’ instead of green?” she asked.
“Some questions don’t have answers,” I replied.
(As a funny aside, I asked Sonya, the vocab expert, if she knew what “loden” meant. She didn’t.)
“Haven’t we already done this page? What about page 69?”
“Page 69 is in the mens clothing section,” I replied, struggling to flip through my catalogue with my free hand.
“But I wrote down 69!”
“Oh! It’s a price,” I realized. “Sixty-nine dollars.”
“Have we looked at page three yet?” she wailed.
“Yes, we have.”
This went on for an hour or so.
God bless Mother, but her health issues that occurred during her “accident” have rendered her mentally confused. It’s still unclear what happened when Mother was injured, but if my sister had anything to do with it… [Shakes my head and makes my scary face.] It led her to have several strokes and seizures, even though she was never epileptic prior.
I also want to comment on Mother’s lack of narcissism in buying me nice things from LL Bean, which I greatly appreciate her doing. Mother’s narcissistic pattern is so bizarre that this probably can’t be found in the DSM. She cycles from good moods (positive, upbeat, cheery) to negativity. When she’s negative, her inner narcissist comes out and terrorizes people. When she’s positive, she’s a wonderful friend. This has been going on for her entire adult life (and beyond… who knows?).
It puts me in the tough spot of hoping for the best every time I talk to her on the phone or otherwise engage with her. But I wanted to give a shoutout to her nice side that’s buying me pretty things from LL Bean!!
And my dad–also old. He gave me a legal brief to scan, convert to text, and format for him last night. It was slop. I’ve never seen more errors in my entire life. It took me hours to wade through it. It’s as if he’s given up on hitting the space key, on forming cogent thoughts in his legal arguments, and on any form of literary organization. He even put section IX of his argument before section VIII. It was that bad.
Fortunately, he has me. I’ll bill him out the wazoo for this, but he needs my services.
In random funny news, my dad and I have a financial agreement with our downstairs copier. I supply him with copy paper and charge him $0.10 per page to use it, billed once he’s gone through an entire box of paper. With the $500 he gives me, I buy him more copy paper and keep the ink and toner supplied and the copier maintained. I’m obviously able to make a profit as well.
I’ve been thinking of raising his rates because our new copier charges a lot for toner. To do a comparison, I searched and searched online to try to figure out how much the local copy shop charges per copy. Alas, the info wasn’t available, so I gave up and contacted them via FB:
Me: What’s the cost of making basic copies?
Them: Hi Meg, the FedEx Office team hours are Monday-Friday, 7:00 AM-8:00 PM CT, and Saturday, 7:00 AM-6:00 PM CT. The team will respond upon its return. ~~Rebecca
HI, Because this is a custom print job, we ask that you contact your local store for more information.
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Me: So you can’t give a simple answer to how much a copy costs?
Rather than writing a book, a proper response might be… I don’t know… twelve cents.
Like, for seriousness? They have copy machines where you go in, put money on a plastic card, and get all your papers copied. You know, this must be a conspiracy to avoid having their copy rate become public knowledge.