Thank you so much to everyone who posted kind words on my previous post. Blogging is the greatest!
Right now, I’m experiencing the exact thing that happened yesterday: my hands are closing themselves, I’m headachey, and my mind is sure to go down a bad path. But I called Dr. Phlegm and can get in to see him next week. Also, I can tell my body’s withdrawing during these daily periods of acheyness/insanity, so I’m counteracting it by taking more Seroquel (it’s allowed).
Seroquel is a drug that can be taken regularly and/or as needed. I take it regularly in small amounts to sleep soundly through the night. I’m taking it as needed during this withdrawal, because I suspect it will fight off the effects of medication adjustment with its sedationary and antipsychotic effects. It should be easy to resume taking it nightly once this storm has passed. That said, I feel weak and shaky, so any commentary on advice columns might be hilariously bad. Let’s see what Dear Abby is up to today!
DEAR ABBY: My 5-year-old daughter, “Maude,” is afraid of large dogs. In the past, my husband has publicly scolded her when she cowered away from them.
A friend of our family has a dog that Maude is especially hesitant around, and my daughter recently confided that she no longer wants to go over to this friend’s house because of it. She made me promise not to tell her father why. When I told him privately about our conversation, he rolled his eyes and accused our daughter of having a “weak” mentality. Is he being unreasonable or is it just me? — PHRUSTRATED IN PHILLY
DEAR PHRUSTRATED: Your daughter doesn’t have a “weak mentality.” She’s afraid of dogs, and possibly with good reason. Find an animal rescue organization or shelter that encourages the public to spend time socializing with the dogs and cats. It may help to get her past her aversion. It has helped other children, and it’s also good for the animals. Give it a try and let me know what happens. (c) DEAR ABBY
Oh hell, no. So, the little girl confided in her mother, who immediately and without compuncture told her husband the girl’s secret, justifying it only by saying she “told him privately,”? That is so messed up. I know there are times when you have to break a kid’s confidence, but this wasn’t one of those times.
As for the father, I’d love to put him in a bullfighting ring with an angry bull, a red cape, and an encouragement to not be weak-minded. (I’m in touch with my inner Taurus.) Olé!
Dear Amy: After being married to a narcissist for 21 years, I have been divorced for four years.
Even though my ex-husband and I have two children together, we have NO contact.
I have been seeing someone for almost a year and we have talked about getting married.
My good friend knows about both my past and my present. I was speaking with this friend the other day and the friend asked what my ex thought about my potential upcoming engagement. I replied that as far as I knew my ex didn’t know anything about it because I don’t talk to him.
Why would someone ask this (especially being a good friend who knows what happened)? How should I have responded?
— No Longer His
Dear No Longer: You responded appropriately to this query from your friend.
My own instinct is that your friend might have posed this question to give you a heads up that your ex-husband does, in fact, know about your current relationship.
Whenever you are wondering why someone is asking something — or framing a query in a specific way — you could respond, “I’m curious: why are you asking?” (c) Ask Amy
Ask Amy is a genius. Her friend could definitely be hinting at the ex’s insider knowledge. Perhaps her ex, the narcissist, has been subtly trying to undermine the letter writer’s new relationship? (By spreading false innuendo or strategizing to make false claims toward a full custody arrangement, or other narcissistic things…) I’d want to know! “Well, I don’t think Trey knows about my new relationship, but why do you ask? Has he said something…?”
And my second-question add-on makes it easy for the friend to save face if she was asking just out of nosiness. “No, I was just wondering. It’s no big deal.”
To which the letter writer can close the deal by saying, “Oh, good. Sometimes I’m convinced Trey’s plotting behind my back. With a narcissist, you can never be sure.” (So freakin’ true.)
Here are Revenge of Eve’s weekly questions from her So You Know series!!
This week’s Questions
- Do you have a hobby? If so, what is it?
- How did you discover your interest in your hobby?
- Do you find having a hobby helps with maintaining your mental wellness? How so?
- Where do you find materials for staying active with your hobby?
- Have you ever considered monetizing your hobby? Or if you already do, do you still enjoy it as a hobby?
Thanks for the fun questions, Candace!!
Yeah, I love building furniture. I have power tools and I know how to use them!
How did I discover an interest? That’s a great question. Back in summer of 2012, my paternal grandmother, Granny Smith, died of old age, just shy of 94 years old. My dad put me in charge of going through her colossal houseful of stuff and trying to organize it. I wound up having four areas: trash, donate to Goodwill, sell at auction, and keep.
Granny had some small wooden cabinets with tiny pull-out drawers. I said to my dad, “Wouldn’t it be fun to paint each drawer a different color and rainbowfy them? Rainbowfy!”
He had some sort of freak-out. “No! Those are antique cabinets! They’ll sell for a fortune at the estate auction.”
That was when I got the idea: what if I were to make my own furniture? I could rainbowfy to my heart’s content! I started studying the art of furniture making. I read books, studied furniture plans, watched videos, researched power tools, spoke to the employees at Woodcraft, and bought a cheap jigsaw to start. I spent hours in the basement making cuts and practicing technique. I researched joinery and separated out the aspects of woodworking I had no interest in pursuing (turning, carving, scroll-sawing, wood burning, etc.).
It was a wonderful, indescribable honeymoon feeling of creative discovery–and I knew it at the time and cherished it. I definitely still love woodworking, but that novelty never sticks around with anything, and that’s fine.
My mom urged me to be an apprentice and learn from a local cabinetmaker. I refused. I knew she was trying to ruin my glow with human interaction; sometimes I can spot her narcissistic approach from a mile off. I was enjoying teaching myself.
Oh. In an ironic twist, Granny Smith’s cabinets sold for around $5 apiece. Yeah.
Next question… does woodworking help maintain my mental wellness….. hmm, good question. I think it has given me a great sense of accomplishment and creative expression. In the time since I learned woodworking in 2012, I’ve remodeled the kitchen, the bathroom, and my bedroom (the entire second floor). This whole house has become a labor of love. Lately I’ve been feeling regret that I’ve already done all those areas, because I miss the excitement and the novelty of it. I’m suddenly nostalgic for the time I drew up the kitchen plans. Huh.
Usually I get the supplies I need from Home Depot. Home Depot is far superior to Lowes!!
Have I ever considered monetizing my hobby? Oh, I’d LOVE to, and I’ve tried. But it’s nearly impossible. I don’t have the confidence to go into a stranger’s home and try to do this stuff, and here’s why: woodworking and remodeling aren’t perfect sciences. At some future point, I might try to make and sell dollhouse furniture at a 12:1 ratio.
Wow, I think the Seroquel was a good idea. I feel great! I might lie down for a little nap.