I’m going through Abilify withdrawal, and all I did was decrease my dosage from 2 mg to 1 mg by breaking the tablet in half.
My hands feel weak, and I just went on a rant about how I don’t want to associate with my sister’s future spawn. Then I called the unborn child filthy. Fortunately, I’m clear-headed enough to know I’ve gone insane.
But what to do? This paranoia could be due to withdrawal rather than not having the drug. In other words, once my body’s adjusted, I might not be anywhere near this paranoid. There’s a lot of lore online about how hellish the withdrawal can be.
- Should I go back on Abilify?
- Should I hang in there and pray?
I feel like I need medical advice, but there is none. When I previously asked Dr. Phlegm if I could go off Abilify (a while ago, maybe a few years), he said, “Sure, and you’re taking a low dose, so I wouldn’t even bother tapering.” He didn’t know that this drug is hardcore and impossible to go off of. So I don’t think he’d be able to answer my current question about withdrawal versus not having it in my system, if that makes sense at all.
I’d ask a pharmacist, but they’d tell me to go back on it. They all think I’m crazy already. I sort of am.
This was precipitated by my mother’s attempts at guilt-tripping me into having a relationship with my evil sister and her unborn child. “You can’t hold your sister’s actions against an innocent baby! The baby will need an aunt. Don’t you want to be an aunt?”
Well, no. It occurred to me with a certain amount of terror that getting to know my evil sister’s baby would lead to caring about it. And caring about the baby would lead to my desperate attempts to save the baby from my sure-to-be-abusive sister.
There would be no winners.
What the hell am I going to do? I can’t, under any circumstance, let myself come to care about the baby. I’ll need to deliberately seal off my heart, even to the point of hating the baby, if that’s what it takes. Of course, the baby doesn’t deserve to be hated. But it would be a defense mechanism, a necessity.
I told my dad, and he got upset and said he wants the baby to come and visit all the time. Great. I’ll just clear the decks.
So I just called my mom back and told her to quit it with the machinations. I don’t want anything to do with my sister’s spawn, and I don’t want to hear any updates. Mother acted all victimized and huffy. “So, my telling you the truth–about how you’re a rotten family member to your sister and her baby–is manipulative?”
“YES! Good, we’re on the same page. Cut it out.”
“I’d like to speak to your father.”
“He’s taking a walk,” I replied.
“Will you please ask him to call me? He’s taking me someplace tomorrow morning.”
(But I won’t.)